Fail harder.

Brand challenge is literally a clusterfuck of emotions.
From inspirationfrustrationapathyangerjoyvictorydefeatenthusiasmblahblah
So much going on, just the way i like it.
This is the stuff I thrive on.
 Intense pressure, heightened emotions, make or break moments.


















Failing harder.
Ugly cries
Nervous dances
Forever trying
again and again.

I just don't give up, even when every fibre of my being screams at me to do so.

I guess it's because i'm just a very intense person.
A little too much of everything

but so what?


Rather that, than complacent and mediocre.
Rather dead and buried than alive and average.

































*Insert dramatic music here*

whaaaa' everrr

I'm not going to apologise for who I am (anymore).


Namaste, bitches.



(doubt everything but yourself)

Change.

It's scary reading old letters and realising nothing changed.

Time to change

 EVERYTHING.

Easy

It's a scary realizing that you'll never take the easy road.
Easy shit is boring, it's the getting through the hard shit that makes life fulfilling.
Feeling pretty damn fulfilled.

Hey easy-roaders, eat my dust.

To Nobody

Here is an excerpt from a book I found recently on one of my second hand book buying escapades.
It is now one of my most prized possessions, along with my first edition miniature Frankenstein.

It is called The Portable Curmudgeon and was compiled and edited by Jon Winokur.

"A curmudgeon's reputation for malevolence is undeserved. They're neither warped nor evil at heart. They don't hate mankind, just mankind's excesses. They're just as sensitive and softhearted as the next guy, but they hide their vulnerability beneath a crust of misanthropy. They ease the pain by turning hurt into humor. They snarl at pretense and bite at hypocrisy out of a healthy sense of outrage. They attack maudlinism because it devalues genuine sentiment. They hurl polemical thunderbolts at middle class values and pop culture in order to preserve their sanity.

Nature having failed to equip them with a serviceable denial mechanism, has endowed them with astute perception and sly wit. Offense is their only defense. Their weapons are irony,satire,sarcasm, ridicule. Their targets are pretense, pomposity, conformity, incompetence.
They have the temerity to comment on the human condition without apology. They not only refuse to applaud mediocrity, they howl it down with morose glee. Their versions of the truth unsettle us, and we hold it against them, even though they soften it with humor. "

I actually think this book found me.

For the first time in forever I am without self-doubt.

Word.

I think I've been unknowingly lying to myself for a while.
I'm awake for what feels like the first time in forever.
I feel like I can do and be anything.
People can paint me in whatever light they like,
at the end of it all I know who I am and what I want.
























word.

In spite.

Life is an unbelievably unusual creature.
I'm enjoying getting reacquainted with it in a new context.
I'm just being a sponge, taking in everything I can in.

Here is one of my favourite poems.

in spite of everything 

in spite of everything

which breathes and moves,since Doom
(with white longest hands
neatening each crease)
will smooth entirely our minds

-before leaving my room
i turn,and(stooping
through the morning)kiss
this pillow,dear
where our heads lived and were.

- E.E. Cummings

I want to know and feel everything.

Diverse

 Just busy wrapping up a campaign my Art Directer/ bitch and I did together for an NGO.
And i have to admit that it's turned out to be one of my favourites, simple and effective.
I was so unbelievably apathetic about it from the get-go but I did a 180 and then the idea's just flew.
I'm really proud of it. And big ups to the most skilled multi-media kid I know Nikki, damn she is one talented girly and helped us film our TV advert. Love her to bits actually.

Nikki and I are also doing a year long collaboration together and bringing out our own line of idiosyncratic plush toys (Whim dolls) I'm very excited and really enjoying doing it, can't wait to make our little creatures.

I really am lucky to be surrounded by truly diverse and talented individuals. I actually think i collect them, if i think about it... everyone close to me is brilliantly creative in their own way.

I'm feeling so blessed, inspired and intellectually stimulated by those close to me.

I love you guys, thank you for helping me find me again.

Awkward

So suddenly in the space of like a week my blog hits have like tripled/quadrupled
considering how many I had before, it isn't as impressive as it sounds.
Most of these hits are probably from awkward links that my blog is somehow
connected to in the ever evolving web of the internets.
Perhaps i should stop posting so many photos of cute japanese girls. haha.

Awkward.


Here is a frightening fact...
I have two and a half more months of college left, ever.
Exciting, and we just got briefed in for brand challenge and I am happy to announce I have a really awesome team, everyone seems to be hardworking, down-to-eath, non-smokers.
(non-smokers means no constant 20 minutes and over smoke breaks every 2 hours)

So I've been proven wrong and it feels pretty great.
Our client is Nedbank, which is interesting seeming as i've been moaning about how they need help with their branding for AGES. Time to put my money where my mouth is huh? (badbankjokes)

So, stressful and exciting things lay ahead.
I still have so many carvings to do for my unutterable's so i'm just going hermit it out.
Remind myself daily of how awesome I am and just keep swimming.

It's like I'm not drowning but waving for the first time in a while.

It can only get better, right?


right.

Ink

Time for some new ink.

I have so much i want to get done, i just don't even know where to start.
Or where to get the money to start. hah.

First theres my thigh piece, then my feet, my wrists, the back of my ankles, my other side, finishing up my spine.

Basically I just want to be covered in words, things of meaning.
Covered, consumed, reminded, forever truths.
I want my skin to tell a story.
Even when i'm old and wrinkled and gross.

soon.

One face

It's as though I'm a double sided coin and I'm desperately trying to scrub away my other face.

It's in my bones.

Misinterpret

So, In hindsight I'm the Queen of misinterpretation.

I'm not writing about anyone specific, only my general feelings and meanderings.
About how i feel about society as a whole, my own failings and frustrations.
Shit i like, shit i don't, I don't think i'm better than anyone else.

(i think i'm a shit load better than everyone else, haha joking)

Sorry i'm such an overly emotional cynical bitch, I'm working on it.


Here's a cool picture of a laser cat...

P.s. don't drink and blog, ever.

Grimey.

Love her too much.

Existing

The phrase dominating my existence at the moment is "because fuck you, that's why"


This isn't coming from a place of hate or rage, but more of reckless abandon.
I am so done with other people's posturing and feigned attempts at being hip,
mock arrogance and social climbing.

DOWN WITH CLICHE'D EXISTENCE


There are more things of importance in the universe than inadequacies and my
intense need to fix people.

I'm through with being some retarded martyr of emotionalism or dumbing myself down
and watering down my opinions.
For what? Because society says we should play nicely with other children.

I'm too much for most people and I'm perfectly content with that.
I'm always willing to grow and be proven wrong.
Problem is, I'm seldom proved wrong.
Please prove me wrong.


So I'm through with farce and bullshit and escapism


I'm just existing, in my own skin, in all of my self.

The parts I misplaced for a while

Running on 20% disappointment 10% pity 30% inspiration and 40% recklessness

Working out pretty great so far.

I'm just going to listen to Grimes all day everyday and pretend I'm japanese.

Why? Because fuck you, thats why.

Pattern perpetuator.