Whelmed.

Finding it incredibly difficult to be proactive today.
Can't i just have a day to do absolutely nothing.
Nope, not enough time.
I have so much to do.

Positively overwhelmed.
(2 months)

Fail harder.

Brand challenge is literally a clusterfuck of emotions.
From inspirationfrustrationapathyangerjoyvictorydefeatenthusiasmblahblah
So much going on, just the way i like it.
This is the stuff I thrive on.
 Intense pressure, heightened emotions, make or break moments.


















Failing harder.
Ugly cries
Nervous dances
Forever trying
again and again.

I just don't give up, even when every fibre of my being screams at me to do so.

I guess it's because i'm just a very intense person.
A little too much of everything

but so what?


Rather that, than complacent and mediocre.
Rather dead and buried than alive and average.

































*Insert dramatic music here*

whaaaa' everrr

I'm not going to apologise for who I am (anymore).


Namaste, bitches.



(doubt everything but yourself)

Change.

It's scary reading old letters and realising nothing changed.

Time to change

 EVERYTHING.

Easy

It's a scary realizing that you'll never take the easy road.
Easy shit is boring, it's the getting through the hard shit that makes life fulfilling.
Feeling pretty damn fulfilled.

Hey easy-roaders, eat my dust.

To Nobody

Here is an excerpt from a book I found recently on one of my second hand book buying escapades.
It is now one of my most prized possessions, along with my first edition miniature Frankenstein.

It is called The Portable Curmudgeon and was compiled and edited by Jon Winokur.

"A curmudgeon's reputation for malevolence is undeserved. They're neither warped nor evil at heart. They don't hate mankind, just mankind's excesses. They're just as sensitive and softhearted as the next guy, but they hide their vulnerability beneath a crust of misanthropy. They ease the pain by turning hurt into humor. They snarl at pretense and bite at hypocrisy out of a healthy sense of outrage. They attack maudlinism because it devalues genuine sentiment. They hurl polemical thunderbolts at middle class values and pop culture in order to preserve their sanity.

Nature having failed to equip them with a serviceable denial mechanism, has endowed them with astute perception and sly wit. Offense is their only defense. Their weapons are irony,satire,sarcasm, ridicule. Their targets are pretense, pomposity, conformity, incompetence.
They have the temerity to comment on the human condition without apology. They not only refuse to applaud mediocrity, they howl it down with morose glee. Their versions of the truth unsettle us, and we hold it against them, even though they soften it with humor. "

I actually think this book found me.

For the first time in forever I am without self-doubt.

Word.

I think I've been unknowingly lying to myself for a while.
I'm awake for what feels like the first time in forever.
I feel like I can do and be anything.
People can paint me in whatever light they like,
at the end of it all I know who I am and what I want.
























word.

In spite.

Life is an unbelievably unusual creature.
I'm enjoying getting reacquainted with it in a new context.
I'm just being a sponge, taking in everything I can in.

Here is one of my favourite poems.

in spite of everything 

in spite of everything

which breathes and moves,since Doom
(with white longest hands
neatening each crease)
will smooth entirely our minds

-before leaving my room
i turn,and(stooping
through the morning)kiss
this pillow,dear
where our heads lived and were.

- E.E. Cummings

I want to know and feel everything.