Wednesday, October 3, 2012

The Swede

People can be really disgusting.
Selfish and self-obsessed and small-minded.
Content to stay ignorant and average.

I am so glad I don't have to come into contact with people like that too often
Sometimes my own disappointment feels like it's rearing up to choke me.
Skin crawling, suffocating in mediocrity.

But then I have chance encounters with brilliant minds and all my faith in humanity is restored.

Like on my birthday I bumped into a man from Sweden.
Well, actually I kind danced into him.
I was drunk and can't remember his name
But we had a bit of a dance and he asked me what I do so I said I was a writer.

Not wanting to go into the usual conversations of either 

a) What is a copywriter?
b) How can I want to go into advertising, don't I know I'm a corporate sellout?

(the second option usually coming from aspiring "novelists,  I'm just like call me when you publish a best-seller, fucktard.)

-back to my story-

He then proceeded to quote Proust and Hemingway and I just about nearly died.
(this can sound pretty douchey but it wasn't it was honest and sincere)

We then debated constructivist theories, our favorite novels, musicians and danced to Lykke Li AND he had the same glasses as me.

I mean really?

He had to leave suddenly to help his very drunk friend and a tiny part of my heart and hope went with him.

This sounds like the beginning plot of an awful indie film, sorry.

but the moral of this blogpost i guess, is don't give up hope on humans just yet, there are those couple that make it worthwhile and every negative and positive encounter teaches you something about yourself.

This taught me that there are good looking sweet, uber intelligent men out there with great swedish accents, impressive beards that are willing to overcome their own shyness to go out on a limb and talk to a stranger covered in glitter.

So thank you handsome and smart swedish man whose name I cannot recall for restoring my faith and showing me that letting my guard down is something I should do more often.

Monday, September 24, 2012


Sometimes hope is a cancer best removed.
Sometimes potential is just that, potential.
Something that may happen but almost certainly won't.
Sometimes some things are best left as far in the past as possible.
Sometimes you just have to cut your losses.
Sometimes you have to accept failure.
Sometimes that failure was not on your part.
Sometimes some things are just weak.
Some things obvious and nauseating
Sometimes I wish I felt less.
Some things are impossible


I'd rather not drown in shallow waters.

Saturday, September 15, 2012


Life has been all kinds of crazy.
Just finished the last big campaign i'll ever do for free (hopefully, hah)
It went really well actually, ended up with stuff i want to put into my portfolio.
Go me.

I got to write a bunch of odes and seeming as my poetry is a little rusty it was a really rewarding exercise to get back into it.... and i didn't completely hate them either.

Now it's all about my WHIM dolls as nikki and i are showcasing them next weekend at the Loerie student portfolio day... that's whats up.

Life is so strange... how one thing can fall apart only for everything else to fall together.

Maybe being a hardworking overachieving bitch that holds herself to the highest standard possible has finally paid off.

Either way it's really great feeling like i'm enough.

So fuck the rest of the feelings I'm just going with what's good.

Because I deserve it.

Monday, September 3, 2012


From magnetized to estranged.
everything to nothing

eb and flow.



My feelings are polar.
Extreme and varied.
Letting myself feel all of them.
At least I have a new band to be obsessed with.
Everything is beautifully horrible and horribly beautiful.
I am filled and overflowing with gratitude.
I am so lucky to be who I am and where I am.

Only greatness lies before me. 

Sunday, September 2, 2012


Sometimes I wake up positively grossed out and disgusted.
My skin sometimes crawls with disappointment.
Then I remember the people that matter and I find the energy and determination to let go.
Moving up and onwards.
Bring me November.
Bring me January.

Bring me.


Today I will be the master of my emotions.
Today I will laugh at the world.
Today I will.


Finding it incredibly difficult to be proactive today.
Can't i just have a day to do absolutely nothing.
Nope, not enough time.
I have so much to do.

Positively overwhelmed.
(2 months)

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

Fail harder.

Brand challenge is literally a clusterfuck of emotions.
From inspirationfrustrationapathyangerjoyvictorydefeatenthusiasmblahblah
So much going on, just the way i like it.
This is the stuff I thrive on.
 Intense pressure, heightened emotions, make or break moments.

Failing harder.
Ugly cries
Nervous dances
Forever trying
again and again.

I just don't give up, even when every fibre of my being screams at me to do so.

I guess it's because i'm just a very intense person.
A little too much of everything

but so what?

Rather that, than complacent and mediocre.
Rather dead and buried than alive and average.

*Insert dramatic music here*

whaaaa' everrr

I'm not going to apologise for who I am (anymore).

Namaste, bitches.

(doubt everything but yourself)

Friday, August 24, 2012


It's scary reading old letters and realising nothing changed.

Time to change


Thursday, August 23, 2012


It's a scary realizing that you'll never take the easy road.
Easy shit is boring, it's the getting through the hard shit that makes life fulfilling.
Feeling pretty damn fulfilled.

Hey easy-roaders, eat my dust.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

To Nobody

Here is an excerpt from a book I found recently on one of my second hand book buying escapades.
It is now one of my most prized possessions, along with my first edition miniature Frankenstein.

It is called The Portable Curmudgeon and was compiled and edited by Jon Winokur.

"A curmudgeon's reputation for malevolence is undeserved. They're neither warped nor evil at heart. They don't hate mankind, just mankind's excesses. They're just as sensitive and softhearted as the next guy, but they hide their vulnerability beneath a crust of misanthropy. They ease the pain by turning hurt into humor. They snarl at pretense and bite at hypocrisy out of a healthy sense of outrage. They attack maudlinism because it devalues genuine sentiment. They hurl polemical thunderbolts at middle class values and pop culture in order to preserve their sanity.

Nature having failed to equip them with a serviceable denial mechanism, has endowed them with astute perception and sly wit. Offense is their only defense. Their weapons are irony,satire,sarcasm, ridicule. Their targets are pretense, pomposity, conformity, incompetence.
They have the temerity to comment on the human condition without apology. They not only refuse to applaud mediocrity, they howl it down with morose glee. Their versions of the truth unsettle us, and we hold it against them, even though they soften it with humor. "

I actually think this book found me.
For the first time in forever I am without self-doubt.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012


I think I've been unknowingly lying to myself for a while.
I'm awake for what feels like the first time in forever.
I feel like I can do and be anything.
People can paint me in whatever light they like,
at the end of it all I know who I am and what I want.


Monday, August 13, 2012

In spite.

Life is an unbelievably unusual creature.
I'm enjoying getting reacquainted with it in a new context.
I'm just being a sponge, taking in everything I can in.

Here is one of my favourite poems.

in spite of everything 
in spite of everything
which breathes and moves,since Doom
(with white longest hands
neatening each crease)
will smooth entirely our minds

-before leaving my room
i turn,and(stooping
through the morning)kiss
this pillow,dear
where our heads lived and were.

- E.E. Cummings

I want to know and feel everything.

Sunday, August 12, 2012


 Just busy wrapping up a campaign my Art Directer/ bitch and I did together for an NGO.
And i have to admit that it's turned out to be one of my favourites, simple and effective.
I was so unbelievably apathetic about it from the get-go but I did a 180 and then the idea's just flew.
I'm really proud of it. And big ups to the most skilled multi-media kid I know Nikki, damn she is one talented girly and helped us film our TV advert. Love her to bits actually.

Nikki and I are also doing a year long collaboration together and bringing out our own line of idiosyncratic plush toys (Whim dolls) I'm very excited and really enjoying doing it, can't wait to make our little creatures.

I really am lucky to be surrounded by truly diverse and talented individuals. I actually think i collect them, if i think about it... everyone close to me is brilliantly creative in their own way.

I'm feeling so blessed, inspired and intellectually stimulated by those close to me.

I love you guys, thank you for helping me find me again.

Saturday, August 11, 2012


So suddenly in the space of like a week my blog hits have like tripled/quadrupled
considering how many I had before, it isn't as impressive as it sounds.
Most of these hits are probably from awkward links that my blog is somehow
connected to in the ever evolving web of the internets.
Perhaps i should stop posting so many photos of cute japanese girls. haha.


Here is a frightening fact...
I have two and a half more months of college left, ever.
Exciting, and we just got briefed in for brand challenge and I am happy to announce I have a really awesome team, everyone seems to be hardworking, down-to-eath, non-smokers.
(non-smokers means no constant 20 minutes and over smoke breaks every 2 hours)

So I've been proven wrong and it feels pretty great.
Our client is Nedbank, which is interesting seeming as i've been moaning about how they need help with their branding for AGES. Time to put my money where my mouth is huh? (badbankjokes)

So, stressful and exciting things lay ahead.
I still have so many carvings to do for my unutterable's so i'm just going hermit it out.
Remind myself daily of how awesome I am and just keep swimming.

It's like I'm not drowning but waving for the first time in a while.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Tuesday, August 7, 2012


Time for some new ink.

I have so much i want to get done, i just don't even know where to start.
Or where to get the money to start. hah.

First theres my thigh piece, then my feet, my wrists, the back of my ankles, my other side, finishing up my spine.

Basically I just want to be covered in words, things of meaning.
Covered, consumed, reminded, forever truths.
I want my skin to tell a story.
Even when i'm old and wrinkled and gross.


One face

It's as though I'm a double sided coin and I'm desperately trying to scrub away my other face.

It's in my bones.

Sunday, August 5, 2012


So, In hindsight I'm the Queen of misinterpretation.

I'm not writing about anyone specific, only my general feelings and meanderings.
About how i feel about society as a whole, my own failings and frustrations.
Shit i like, shit i don't, I don't think i'm better than anyone else.

(i think i'm a shit load better than everyone else, haha joking)

Sorry i'm such an overly emotional cynical bitch, I'm working on it.

Here's a cool picture of a laser cat...

P.s. don't drink and blog, ever.

Friday, August 3, 2012


The phrase dominating my existence at the moment is "because fuck you, that's why"

This isn't coming from a place of hate or rage, but more of reckless abandon.
I am so done with other people's posturing and feigned attempts at being hip,
mock arrogance and social climbing.


There are more things of importance in the universe than inadequacies and my
intense need to fix people.

I'm through with being some retarded martyr of emotionalism or dumbing myself down
and watering down my opinions.
For what? Because society says we should play nicely with other children.

I'm too much for most people and I'm perfectly content with that.
I'm always willing to grow and be proven wrong.
Problem is, I'm seldom proved wrong.
Please prove me wrong.

So I'm through with farce and bullshit and escapism

I'm just existing, in my own skin, in all of my self.

The parts I misplaced for a while

Running on 20% disappointment 10% pity 30% inspiration and 40% recklessness

Working out pretty great so far.

I'm just going to listen to Grimes all day everyday and pretend I'm japanese.

Why? Because fuck you, thats why.

Pattern perpetuator.

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Make it.

Part of me is getting really angry.
Fuming, actually.
Then another part is so relieved to not feel so anguished.
There is nothing more agonizing than losing respect for someone.
And another part is grossed out.
And then another part is so excited.

Basically I have too many feelings and my brain is like FUCK THIS NOISE.

So i'm just going with apathy because this whole curse of authenticity thing is too much for me right now.

I have too much to do.

On a lighter note I have my November internship confirmed and I am so excited to go back and blow minds because my self-doubt can go and fuck itself. Thats another feeling all my doubts, doubts about the future and my career have disappeared. *poof* gone. I'm exactly where I want and need to be. Bring on more people like me, the intelligent, ambitious, silly and over sensitive.
I know most of them won't be, but i caught glimpses of those that were.

Sometimes, I wish I was better at lying to myself for the short term.
You know the whole: "fake it till you make it."
I never have been.
I never will be.

The fact of the matter is:

I'll make it, because I don't fake it.

Sunday, July 29, 2012


I feel like the great big wooden door to my future has unlocked itself.
I feel suffocated by a mix of reliefexcitementdetermination.

There's this little voice saying: "Open me. I'm ready when you are. Leave it behind. "

I'm opening it.


Well are you with them, if not let it go
You're either going to rock the boat,
Or have what they're handing out
Now you're somewhere remote
They think you got a wire broke
But what you hashing up?
Something that you wrote
Is going to make a good lifeboat
Asylum for the torn
A rumbling below
Said if not now you'll never go 
So while we wait it out

God from the machine, Santigold.

Here's another favourite:

I love them so much. They are all beautiful and different. Fresh breath of air.

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Friday, July 27, 2012


Waiting for the wave to hit me full frontal in the face.
Hasn't arrived yet.

Don't think it's going to.

I may not have a million friends,
I can count the real ones on one hand.
The real, I would die for you ones.

Thank you for accepting me,

I fucking love you.

(Dramatic poetic license over and out.)

Heres an awesome song that makes me happy.

Also look out for Lakutis, he is delicious.
In that fucked up unexpected white rapper kind of way.

Spending my night transferring shit to lino.
Perfect time for mindless creativity and rap.
Because well i'm a white girl that loves the shit out of good rap,
especially from cutey's like Aleksey Weintraub.


New post. New life.

I'm nearly finished.
I'm unbelievably excited.
I took all my Future-fear and stuffed it in a box on my shelf. I'll combat it when I have to.
I feel like I'm being suffocated by being able to really breathe for the first time in ages.
Contradiction? no?
I'm busy with my year long creative project and as per usual I've punished myself by           overextending myself, unbelievably so. 
But I'll never stop pushing myself. 
I want to know everything 
and do everything
and feel everything. 

I'm making my first personal book. 

It is titled Unutterable.

unutterable |ˌənˈətərəbəl|

Too great, intense, or awful to describe. 
It is a compilation of all the horrible things I think, which are many. You know with me being a self-hating misanthropic bitch and all.
(that was a joke)

However, don't we all do it? Those in-the-moment horrible little things That instinctively pop to mind about other people or ourselves.Yes we all do and if you answered no...Well, then you're a liar.

I wrote hundreds, hundreds bordering on thousands of them. It was the most cathartic thing I have ever done.
I spilt my
on the page.

Now that I've written them and put them into some sort of is time to get carving.
Yes, I just said carving. Each page is going to be an individual Lino-cut.Then individually printed. Then bound into a book.So I have 50 transfers and then carvings to do.  No, not just carving out the letters.I'm carving out the negative space around the letters.
This is going to be a long road. I have until the 15th of October to have my book and installation done and dusted. Not to mention all the other wonderful things I have to do in between.

Thank goodness a wealth of time recently opened itself up.
Here are some pictures I like, to make this post non-word-nerd-friendly.

Kisses and shit!

Friday, June 15, 2012

Cape Town

When I die (which is inevitable) you can bury me like this.

Or burn me and scatter my ashes in the fantasy isle.

Oops, morbid.

Well, I actually don't care.

Sometimes all I care about, the only thing that is constant and unwavering and unfathomable to some is the satisfaction of turning the page to devour more words. 

Well, this post was pretentious


Well, because fuck you, that's why.

(yep, definitely pretentious now)

Wednesday, May 9, 2012

WHY can't I be japanese?

I'm going to live there. This is fact.